Impalement and Realizations
by MrJamesileee
Summary: Set in the middle of #onechicago. After a dark day but before the PD part 2 (which airs tonight). My take on what could (should) happen with Rafferty and Shay (and Shay's injury.) There will be a second chapter to this.
1. Chapter 1

Allison Rafferty was by Shay's side seconds after the blond woman had finally allowed her injury to overtake her, collapsing to the ground. The moment that Rafferty radioed Shay to tell her that Dawson was fine- and got no response- she had begun to jog in the general direction of the girl. Shay was _always_ quick to respond to calls on the radio, whether it was a timely situation about a patient or just when Rafferty would (unprofessionally) make a witty gay joke in hopes of making her friend smile. When Shay didn't respond to the first, then the second radio call, fear hit the pit of Rafferty's stomach like falling debris. She could not have predicted _why_ Shay had been unresponsive, but immediately feared the worst.

When Rafferty had finally made it to the wing where she expected Shay to be, she saw the two policemen (Burgess and Atwater, she thought?) kneeling on the floor, obviously in panic-mode. The fear that had crept into Allison's stomach exploded then, and she hadn't even seen Shay's face yet.

"What happened?!" Rafferty demanded in a panic-stricken voice, somehow leaning over Shay despite not remembering pushing anyone else aside to get there.

"She just collapsed when she was walking by us," Burgess stuttered out, completely overwhelmed by the terror and sadness of the day.

"The doctors are on their way," Atwater assured her, watching as Rafferty began to wordless check on her partner.

Shay's pupils were unresponsive, but she was breathing. Her face had become deathly pale since Rafferty had seen her last, less than an hour ago. Suddenly Rafferty noticed the blood and gasped audibly. She pulled up Shay's uniform shirt to reveal a hastily placed, blood-soaked gauze pad. Rafferty took a deep, preparatory breath before pulling the gauze off to reveal a gaping, unhealthy-looking wound. The doctors arrived and were beginning to pull Rafferty away.

"When did this happen?" the doctor asked Rafferty with an already grave look in his eyes as the girl was placed on a gurney with less grace than Rafferty liked.

"I... I don't know," she stuttered, shaking her head as she tried to recall any time through the hectic day when Shay could have been injured. "I didn't even know she was hurt," Rafferty admitted sadly.

"This wound did _not_ just happen," the doctor said, as though he was speaking to a civilian and not a paramedic.  
"I know that!" Rafferty snapped, racing down the hallway at Shay's side. "She had gauze on it but it was already blood-soaked."

"Why wouldn't an EMT know better than to just bandage up a wound of this severity?" the doctor asked, half to Rafferty and half to himself.

"I don't know!" Rafferty yelled this time, having had enough of this doctor's callousness when Shay was the patient in question. "Stop analyzing and just fix her!"

"You need to stay out here," the doctor said, holding up both hands to prevent Rafferty from entering the room with them. "I'll let you know when we know something."

"Maybe I can help?" Rafferty asked, quietly this time, her fear deflating her anger.

"Not in the state you're in," he shook his head, not trying to be rude this time- just honest. "I promise we'll let you know as soon as we she where she's at."

Rafferty nodded somberly, standing at the door even after it was shut, trying to keep herself from shaking.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"The injury punctured Leslie's intestines, but missed all other organs, luckily," the doctor explained to the rabid-crying paramedic who was standing in his face before he even got fully into the waiting room. "We stitched everything up and she _should_ make a full recovery. Between the amount of blood-loss and her mild head injury, she just has to wake up now."

"But she _will_ wake up, right?" Rafferty practically spat, torn between feeling relieved and just as terrified as she ever was.

"That cannot be determined by me. It's up to her and her healing now," he nodded solemnly.

"I need to see her," Rafferty said, wide-eyed. In that moment she realized that she was so overcome with worry that she had yet to alert Dawson, Severide or any other members of the 51 family to Shay's condition. The paramedics had been busy doing their jobs all day and she knew that 51 would simply assume that they still were.

"We don't advise her to have visitors for at least another hour or more. Her body has just been through a trauma and even though she is unconscious, she needs time to heal," the doctor told her, already knowing full-well that he would be faced with an argument about it.

"I won't disturb her at all, I promise. I know she needs to heal. I just need to _see_ her," Rafferty practically pleaded, all harshness suddenly gone from her voice and replaced with a child-like vulnerability. Tears were glazing her eyes despite her best efforts. She just needed to _see_ her. See that she was still there, still _real._

The doctor looked down at his feet, second-guessing himself already before saying quietly, "To the right, 34E." Rafferty was already gone.

Xxxxxxxx

When Rafferty rounded the corner into Shay's hospital room, she immediately gasped and froze at the sight in front of her. She knew that her partner was injured, but she was not prepared to see her looking so pale and fragile. Rafferty thought back to when she first started working with Shay, when they went to Daryl's house after Leslie had been given the keys; Allison had never seen the normally bright and strong Shay look so much like she was about to crumble. Thinking back, that day was the start of Rafferty's endearment for her partner. When you can see that much of a person, good and bad, weak and strong, they begin to become real to you. Rafferty would give anything to see Shay like _that_ again, rather than like this.

Rafferty quietly walked to Shay's bedside, looking the girl over more closely while still trying hard not to disturb her. Her breathing was calm and steady; her heart-rate the same. These things _should_ have relieved Allison, if only slightly, but they scared her instead. For a moment Rafferty imagined sleeping next to Shay, to see her this at peace and still but under positive circumstances. She found herself hoping that someday she would get to experience that version of Shay.

Her partner's face, though still, looked content and actually _better _than it had a little over an hour ago when she had found her on the floor. Though still not filled with the bright colour of life, she looked to at least be improving. Rafferty hoped that she wasn't just seeing what she wanted to see. For the longest moment, Rafferty contemplating touching Shay's hand or her face. She needed to feel near to the girl right now, to solidify the fact that she was still there, still fighting, but she had promised not to disturb her. She couldn't believe that she had managed to not speak a word yet thus far.

Rafferty's need for closeness overtook her, and she gently slipped her hand into Shay's limp one. At least it wasn't cold, Rafferty thought. She stared at Shay's face as she had done _so_ many times in the past. She just wanted the girl to open her eyes. If they made eye contact, she just knew that Shay would be alright. She could tell Shay, with just a simple gaze, everything that she wanted her to know.

"Leslie?" Rafferty whispered softly, the sound of her voice breaking surprising her. "Look, I know you're in there. I don't know if you can hear me or not, and I said I wouldn't disturb you..." she sighed out, choking back a sob. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."

She stayed quiet again for a long moment, contemplating her words in hopes that Leslie actually _could _hear her.

"I was on suspension, but I guess you know that, and I realized that half of my anxiousness to come back was _you_. I didn't want to go to a different firehouse and start over. I just wanted to come back to 51 with you. Working with you today only justified my feeling that way. You somehow make any awful, otherwise unbearable situation ok. You keep me strong..." Rafferty was crying audibly now, still trying to keep herself calm but losing the battle. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt, Leslie? When I said, 'We keep doing our jobs no matter what' this is _not_ what I meant!" Defeated, she rested her head onto Shay's bed, onto Shay's arm, and sobbed, squeezing the girl's hand just a little bit more tightly.

Xxxxxxxxx

"In there," the doctor pointed to 34E when Dawson and Severide had made their way up to the floor. Burgess and Atwater had alerted 51 to the news of Shay's injury, assuming that it wouldn't be the first thing to occur to Rafferty. The doctor had already given Dawson and Severide Shay's prognosis, but Dawson was still ready to bust down the door to the hospital room.

"Wait-" Kelly stopped her, peeking into the window of the door. "Rafferty's in there."

"So what?" Dawson spat. "We need to see her."

"I know we do, but I think Rafferty's asleep and she's probably a god damn mess right now, so can we tread lightly, please?" he said calmly.

"Why would she be a mess,_ Kelly_?" Dawson asked with a twinge in her voice, as though she was being alerted to information she maybe shouldn't have.

"I- I don't know, alright? But there's something. She cares about Shay... a lot," he admitted.

"Are they involved?" Dawson asked, surprised, but not _too_ surprised.

"No. But I think that they will be, if Shay makes it through this..." he said, sadness weaving it's way into his voice.

Dawson nodded in understanding. "Okay. We'll tread lightly. But I'm going in there."

xxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

sorry it took so long to post chapter two. despite the utter lack of shafferty, i'm still writing this, if anyone is interested. i'm working on my other two shafferty fics too. let me know what you think, ok? this is a short chapter but chapter 3 is already in the works (and will include actual shafferty interaction.) thanks for reading.

2.

Severide turned the doorknob of Shay's hospital room so gently that barely a 'click' was audible, but Rafferty snapped out of her half-asleep daze and shot her head up immediately regardless. She looked obviously startled, but also almost embarrassed. Severide and Dawson noticed and wondered why, but knew better than to ask; neither of them were too close with the generally uptight Rafferty to begin with.

"Sorry, Rafferty. We were trying not to wake you," Severide said softly, approaching the bed with Dawson in tow.

"I wasn't sleeping," Rafferty spat, a lie, and they all knew it.

Rafferty's gaze was suddenly drawn to her hand, still entwined with Shay's. Her self-consciousness was ready to pull her hand away at the first sight of Severide and Dawson, but her worry and emotional upheaval caused her to remain holding on tightly, no matter what the others thought.

"How is she?" Dawson asked quietly, looking over her partner much like Rafferty had.

"Um, I think she's going to be okay..." Rafferty answered, fighting her breaking voice. "They _say_ she's going to be okay. She just needs to wake up," she said sadly.

"Hey," Severide said directly, causing Rafferty's scared brown eyes to look up into his. "Shay's a fighter. You know that. She can do this," he said reassuringly, as though he was talking to Shay's lover, not just her partner.

Rafferty nodded somberly, trying like hell to keep herself from crying. She was beginning to break- again- and although it was okay when it was just her and Shay, it was _not_ okay in front of Severide and Dawson.

"I'm sorry that I didn't call you guys right away," Rafferty nearly choked out, refusing to make eye contact with either of them, leaving her gaze resting on her and Shay's hands. "I... I was just so worried, and the doctor gave me a hard time, and I just didn't even think about it." She was beginning to cry now, despite herself, and Severide and Dawson were moved (and surprised) by the genuine outpouring of emotion from the girl.

"Burgess and Atwater let us know what was happening," Dawson explained gently, feeling guilty for being so careless with Rafferty initially. "They said that you were pretty worried. Almost fought the doctor," she laughed proudly.

Rafferty just nodded, a slight smile finally reaching her face at Gabby's unspoken support. She shook her head softly, trying to rid herself of the paralyzing emotion that had overcome her.

"Sorry, I should let you two have some time with her," Rafferty decided, standing to leave and reluctantly beginning to let go of Shay's hand.

Rafferty's head whipped back around to Shay so quickly that it startled Severide and Dawson. Rafferty was wide-eyed and speechless.

"She squeezed my hand..." Rafferty said in awe, barely audibly. She stared at Shay's face, wondering if the movement was real or simply a figment of her hopeful imagination. Shay's face remained still. "Shay?" Rafferty said quietly, getting no visible reaction, but her hand was squeezed _again_, letting the paramedic know that it wasn't all in her head. "She did it again!" Rafferty looked up to Severide and Dawson, who were already smiling.

"She doesn't want you to go," Dawson said happily, stepping closer and running her hand through Leslie's hair.

"You really think that's what it means? It could just be a muscular reaction to me pulling my hand away," Rafferty reasoned.

"We know Shay pretty well," Severide smiled, patting Rafferty's shoulder. "It definitely means she wants you to stay."

"I don't want to interrupt your time with her," Rafferty told them out of sheer politeness; she was certainly not going to leave Shay's side _now._

"I kind of think we interrupted _your _time," Severide told her.

"I just want her to wake up," Rafferty sighed, done with pleasantries and banter. The only banter that she wanted was with the woman lying in the hospital bed.

"She will," Dawson assured her. "Probably soon. Kelly and I are going to go tell the doctor that she squeezed your hand- he might want to know that," Dawson kind of lied; it wasn't uncommon for an unconscious person to have a physical reaction before awakening, she just wanted Rafferty to have more time alone with Shay. "Why don't you talk to her while we're gone? Make some gay jokes or something. Make her _want_ to wake up," Gabby smiled before nodding toward the door. Severide rose to join her, aware of the intention.

Rafferty nodded with a smile on her face. 'Make her want to wake up.' Allison was pretty sure she could do that.


	3. Chapter 3

this one is a bit introspective and i hope y'all don't hate it. i'm still working on all of my shafferty stories; and still hoping people will care. read and review, and thank you all for your input and support so far.

3.

Leslie Shay was pissed as shit. Her dream-like fog was peaceful- not frightening as it could potentially be- and she was being stirred from the best, most deserved nap she had ever taken. Whoever it was that kept tapping on her skull was in for a world of shit- just as soon as Shay could open her eyes.

Everything was dark, but her tactile sense seemed stronger than ever. She felt this incessant thumping, could actually _hear_ it on the inside of her skull, and felt a warm softness wrapped around her left hand. So warm. So soft. Like the most comforting blanket. Maybe more like a puppy or a kitten, Shay decided. No, it felt like _love. _

Shay inhaled deeply (and _heard _herself do so) and once she did that comfortable feeling only intensified. She _knew_ that smell, but why? She couldn't quite place it. She blamed the pounding in her skull for distracting her. The smell was sweet, warm but tangible. She had smelled it closely before, many times, but also had allowed it to permeate her being from a distance. What was that smell? All she had to do was open her eyes, she knew that. It was like a much more peaceful version of a party night gone wrong, when her body was hell-bent on sleeping while her mind was awake.

Shay felt the warmth in her left hand take hold and squeeze. The feeling wasn't painful- it made the whole situation real. Suddenly the two senses began to work as one, finally. That softness, that scent: Allison Rafferty. For a moment Shay panicked. Had she had some forgotten drunken night with her co-paramedic and long-time crush? She desperately hoped not. If Shay were to finally get a chance to be with Allison Rafferty, she sure as hell better be able to remember it.

'Open your eyes, Shay,' she told herself harshly, as though it were that easy. _Why _was it so hard to simply lift her eyelids like she did a thousand times a day without being aware of it? Maybe she had gotten _really_ drunk, Shay worried. Maybe she'd died. She felt so out of sorts right now that she honestly didn't know and she was beginning to panic.

_"Dawson told me to talk to you, to give you a reason to want to wake up, and I thought, 'hey, I can do that.' For the record I've been talking to you the whole time, long before your nosey friends showed up," _Rafferty laughed. _"You didn't acknowledge anything at all until I went to leave and when I went to pull my hand out of yours, you squeezed it."_

Shay went to reach up and rub her ears, in hopes of hearing a more clear, less muffled sound before she realised that her body was paralyzed. Whatever happened to be going on in her head, whatever senses she was regaining, her arm did not know to move to her head when she instructed it to. That knowledge terrified her. Had she had a stroke? What had happened? She felt Rafferty's hand, smelled Rafferty's scent, and now heard Rafferty's voice, yet she couldn't move her own body. Shay needed to reach Rafferty- _now_- and then she remembered the first of her sensory reaction: feeling.

Shay squeezed Rafferty's hand consciously, but held the girl's hand tightly instead of letting go after an instant. Whatever it took to get Allison's attention, to let the girl know that Shay was still in there and aware of her surroundings, she would do.

_"Leslie?" _Shay heard Allison ask, and she smiled. At least, she _felt _like she had smiled, but unaware of the situation she had to wonder if she had done it physically or just in her own head. _"Shay, can you hear me?" _ Rafferty asked, earning a release and re-squeeze of her hand in answer. _"I _knew_ it! Please come back to me Leslie. I need to talk to you. We have so much to discuss and you probably don't even know what's going on with you right now."_

Shay released and squeezed Rafferty's hand again, letting Allison know that she was right; Shay had no idea what state she was in or why.

_"Okay... you were injured today- the first day that we got to work together again. The pediatrician girl said that you'd tripped into something and it cut you but she didn't know how bad it was... I could kill her. You're unconscious- kind of- but you're on your way back. Right? Shay, open your eyes and let me know that you're still here with me?"_

Was Rafferty crying? Shay had never heard Rafferty cry. It was heart-breaking but enlightening. Shay wanted nothing more than to open her eyes, wipe the tears away from Allison's face and hold her. She felt her strength growing, and her sensory perception. She simply had to remind herself that _she_ was in control of her body. By the sounds of it, she had gotten lucky. Rafferty's information had reminded her of that day that she had just (barely) lived through. Trying to be strong wasn't always the best option, she decided a little too late.

"We do our jobs, no matter what."

Shay remembered hearing Allison's words from earlier that day and the memory began to put everything back into place for her. Memories of the day began to flood back to her overwhelmingly quickly. She went to avoid a falling piece of brick and ended up tripping into a ripped up piece of foundation and catching the steel stud right through her abdomen. At first, even Shay didn't think it was too bad, and she knew that she had people to save and more important things to worry about. As the day progressed, Shay finally began to worry about _herself_. Even then she wouldn't admit it.

"Are you okay?" Rafferty had asked, walking back to Shay in the make-shift triage. The look of genuine care and concern in Allison's eyes had frightened Shay into lying once again. She _knew _that Allison knew something was up. But she had the advantage of her partner being unaware that she had been injured in the first place. Thinking back now, she regretting covering it up.

_"Shay?" _Allison called out to her, squeezing her hand hard, but with love. _"I know you can hear me. I need you to come back. Can you do that for me? We have things to do. Lesbian night at Molly's is next week and what's the point of me going if the only lesbian I love isn't there." _In her head, Shay began to laugh until she heard the obvious tears shaking Rafferty's voice. The pain and sincerity coming from Allison was killing Shay. She had never witnessed Rafferty display so much emotion, and it was for _her_. _ "If you could just open your eyes then I would know that everything will be okay. Please, Leslie? Just look at me and I know that you'll be okay."_

The sudden white light was so painful that Shay actually regretted her success; until she remembered what she was working for. Though she had only opened her eyes slightly, she shut them again quickly to block out that intrusive light. She tried again. Shay opened her eyes just enough to see the warmest, most loving brown eyes staring into hers. She smiled again, and hoped that this time it wasn't all in her head.


End file.
